A guy who I said my 'no' thrice

Hi guys.

It's me again.  Feel like updating a post. So what should I rant today?

Alright, I'll just share bout my story with someone. (WARNING:it'll will be so cheesy along the read)

I've known my man since we were in primary school. Yadaa yadaa, back then, I was too snobbish 

(according to him). I feel so superior as people really looked up on me. Those days when I always need to come across my secret admires every day, coping with all the secret letters delivered through my closest friends. Those days, when I had like almost a new crush every single year. My feelings would easily change from a person to another real quick. 

So, I'd been in the same class with my man since we were in standard one. But, I never notice of his existence cause literally speaking, I had a huge crush on somebody else ( which happened to be our great great senior) , so yaa, no space for you :P We used to play 'kejar-kejar' (lol idk the exact name for the game) every evening during KAFA when we were in standard 2, I guess. That's the interesting part where both of us grew up together back then in primary school. Those old days of having to play everything that we want after the final exam cause we have like a couple of weeks before school break. YES GUYS! THAT WAS THE BEST MOMENT EVER DURING MY PRIMARY SCHOOL.Everyone will go crazy over various types of games such as board games (chess, uno cards, sahibba, 'billionaire') and sports (ping-pong, football ???). My classmates made their own ping-pong table and they brought their own ping-pong paddle to have a game played in the classroom. As for the boys, they were so over the top playing that 'football' game which they made the ball all by themselves. Okay, can you guys guess what was the ball made of? Hahaha, they just took all the bottle caps available and poof they turned it into a ball. They would go crazy chasing after the ball like IT WAS A REAL GAME!! I will never understand boys ???? Nevertheless, those memories are golden :)

Back to the story, I started to grow fond of my man, I guess when we were in standard 5. But, I was first attracted to one of his close friends ( I won't mention his name here :P) and we somehow had a relationship going on for a while ???? ( basically a puppy love). Then, we broke up for no reason ?? What do you expect from a ten-year-old kid??! 

Luckily, this was the first time I became very interested in my man. He was one of the top 10 students during that time (memang bijak dari kecik la dia ni). It caused hype going around the school as juniors started to pull out their interest towards him. He became so popular since he comes with a full package (cute, smart n rich) whoaa gitu :P Since then, I started to grow hatred towards my juniors who get along with him. I hate them for purposely being friends with him. I hate every single moment that he spent with those juniors. But, I'm a born egomaniac. I didn't even tell him that I like him. I didn't say yes to his confession as I just intentionally left him in awe. I made him clueless. I didn't have the courage to say so. I wanted to have it in my own way. Thus, I was wrong. He gave up on me and went for that junior! I was very fragile and messed up. I started to loathe him and every single thing about him. The saddest part was, I even declared for a war with my junior. Lol, silly me. Again, what do you expect from a twelve-year-old kid?! 

Unfortunately, we parted in a very melancholic way. He went for a boarding school (IT WAS MY DREAM SCHOOL ACTUALLY BUT I DIDN'T MAKE IT THERE) and I went for an all-girl school. We did contact each other when we were in form one and somehow we became close. As time passed by, there's a relationship going on between us but it lasted only for a month or two (READ : WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM A THIRTEEN-YEAR OLD KID???!). It was just a puppy love, ain't got no direction and sincerity. We were both blind folded with the game of love. No, I don't want to call it love cause it's more like an affection. When both parties feel very close to each other as they give their full attention towards one another in a certain period of time. Soon, they will be easily swayed by their own feelings as they are both not conformed to the eternal meaning of love. 

We parted again and this one is the longest separation ever cause I never think that I'll be back looking for this guy again. To make it short, I did have some trust issues with guys (my ex-es). However, after both of us have graduated from high school, this guy started to approach me. He texted me every single day and tried to break the gap between us. Again, I didn't notice of his intention to actually bring our relationship to a whole new level. I was just too ignorant and heartless. I told myself not to open up for any guys including him. I was too tired of getting involved in relationships. I said no to him for the second time after he gave me a letter (his confession). 

Soon, it was time to further our studies. Both of us went to a different university. He was offered to take up a Foundation in Engineering at UTP while I enrolled as a law student at UITM Kuantan. We both went on a separate way to achieve our dreams. To my conscience, I really thought that this guy would give up on me as I rejected him twice. No, I was wrong again. He suddenly appeared and texted me at the end of my first semester during foundation. At that time, I was a little bit excited but I still hesitate of accepting someone in my life. We did have a fight, a serious one I guess, cause dude, we were still kids. We didn't grow up enough to think wisely in solving that matter. Shame on us :(

And that was the third time I said 'no' to him and I also thought that this was the end of our story.

5 months passed by, and I finally ended my foundation year. Went back to my hometown and started to breed fats! Lol :P Out of the blue, I dreamed about that guy. The guy whom I have said a 'no' thrice and I swear to myself not to have any kind of relationship with him. From hatred to love, I began my mission by making my first move. I can still remember how awkward it was to approach him for the first time. I gave him a goodnight wish, hoping him to acknowledge my existence. AND THANKS GOD, HE REPLIED ME!!!!! HE REPLIED ME!!!!!! YESS!! I DID IT!!! MY FIRST MOVE WORKED!!! I MADE IT !!! Okay enough with the excitement haha.

I'm looking forward for many years to come with you. Actually, getting into a relationship does reveal your true self somehow. Even if you're such a tough person before, eventually you will somehow portray the other side of yourself to that specific person. You will learn to understand each other as how much I learn bout my man and his eternal love towards football (yelah kan, jumpa football dulu baru jumpa I). I learn how to appreciate even the simplest effort that he pulls out just to make me happy. I learn how to manage my feelings. I learn how to manage my ego. I learn about the concept of 'give and take' in relationship. Yes, I learn almost everything from just one person. Hence, I truly believe that it is one's duty to understand his or her partner thoroughly and complement their flaws. For me, a relationship will never work if only one party takes part but it needs both parties to struggle to the very end.

Well, that's how my story looks like. And, last but not least, a shout out for my man as he's going to have a test tomorrow. Goodluck dear, go break some legs!

(I miss him tho)

xoxo,

btrsyafni

A writer

Hi guys.

I've come across a quote that says ,

 'A writer is actually a sad person because whenever he writes, he's actually expressing either his grieves or hassle that he's going through'.

Well, that somehow explains my circumstances right now. Yes, I am feeling so down to the earth, demotivated, hopeless and a bit anxious. Even worst, I don't even know how to explain my feelings to people. It's not that I don't believe them, but I would rather keep it to myself or I would just express my feelings here. It works either way. I keep on telling myself that I'll be receiving something good afterwards but you know, my confidence level did have a slight drop after I heard the news. It bothers me somehow even if  I don't want to think bout it. Luckily, I have friends to cheer me up, but hmm it didn't last long. My mind would be so distressful til it feels like blowing up to the extent that I don't even want to think. Ugh that's the perk of being so overthinking. Even the slightest thing would get yourself into sorrow and pain altho you're avoiding it badly. Told my mum bout my problem but she made it worst. She sounded so melancholy to the ears of a sorrowful being. I couldn't stand looking at her, being so worried and stuffs to sort out the misery in my burdened mind. Hence, I said to myself 'Girl,please, not even a single tear,please' , and thanks God, I made it :')

I convinced myself that it was just a slight reminder from Him. Either a warning or a test. Or maybe, it can be both. So, I've made myself clear about not being so overboard on this stuff and slowly let it slide. You know what, just believe that God always have something else well planned for you, but He just wants to keep it for the latter. When the right time comes, the you'll be gifted with all the blessings and wonders. That's why, God's secrets are the best surprise ever! :)

xoxo,
btrsyafni

To the girls out there

Hi guys.

So someone asked me to blog. And yes, I'll fulfill your request through this post. Cheer up :)

Well, last week, I've been scrolling down my twitter and found this thread of Kak Dena's giving her thoughts on how disgusting people nowadays associating women's aurah to men's imagination. You know what, this post has somehow triggered my inner feminism to vent out. Thus, bear with me for a while throughout this post cus I'll be freely exposing my thoughts over this issue.

It started out when people are obsessively making the issue of how muslim girls should wear clothes that are syariah compliance goes viral. They are continuously talking sarcastically bout those girls who don't wear 'modestly' and make them a bad person in figure. In addition, they also expressed their harsh criticisms over girls who wear make up to be fake. They also had made a fuss over the issue of girls who don't want to do the dishes as those girls don't deserve to be a good daughter and a good 'future' wife at all. Omg, these bunch of people got no chill! They even commented on the way Yuna dressed and giving bad perceptions towards her after the incident of Yuna being hugged by Usher during their live concert. It gets worst day by day, as people view this as a big issue because they really think that Yuna has worsened the image of our beloved country and the deen itself. Okay look, there're things that I can agree with them on these issues but not to the extent THAT SAYING YUNA IS A TOTAL SLUT FOR LETTING HERSELF BEING HUGGED BY A MAN. God made us different to actually teach us to embrace and accept each other respectively. He didn't create human to fight with each other over petty things such as the differences in religion and culture. He made us come with flaws so we can complete each other. If you think that you are devoted enough to the deen, then that doesn't give you the right to look down on your acquaintances who do not perceive the deen the way you are taught. Do you why know why these bunch of netizens went overboard on Yuna's issue? IT IS BECAUSE SHE WEARS HIJAB IN WHICH A PERSON WHO WEARS HIJAB CANNOT COMMIT ANY WRONGDOINGS AT ALL. A PERSON WHO WEARS HIJAB HOLDS THE KEY TO THE PURITY OF THE DEEN. A PERSON WHO WEARS HIJAB IS SO PERFECT AS SHE IS SO SUPERIOR AND RIGHTEOUS IN THE SOCIETY THAT SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE ANY FLAWS AT ALL. Gdi! How can you put the value of your deen over a person who wears hijab?!!!!! Yes, wearing a hijab is A RELIGIOUS COMMAND but that doesn't mean all the religion values lie on the people who wear hijab. She is a human too, she makes mistakes, so as you. Then, who are you to judge her? Who are you to say that she conforms to a devilish act by letting it slide? It was such an  uncontrollable scene. Huh people are so quick in making judgments! 

Next is, the so called 'make up' fights. Ugh this thing is getting on my nerves since forever. Why are those men being very fussy and crazy over girls' stuffs?! They feel so superior to judge girls who wear make up. It gives them such a satisfaction I guess. No boy! That's not a satisfaction when you go freely talking bout other people's flaws,but we call it as an ego. She bought all the stuffs using her own money and she wears them on her own will. Not even bother to ask you to buy her those stuffs. You do not need to understand their interest over make ups cause you will not be interested anyway. Nevertheless how much you state your hates towards girls who wear make up, I know you'll still attract to those girls who are pleasing to your eyes. Beauty is subjective. So, stop all the nonsense! Girls, wear anything that makes you comfortable and confident. Ditch all the negative perspectives that people throw at you, cause you're worth than that! I love you girls!

SO GIRLS, STAY BEAUTIFUL, STAY HUMBLE, KNOW THAT YOU'RE WORTH OVER THOSE PITIFUL MORONS WHO KEEP ON MOCKING YOU. THEY ARE THE REAL LOSER!

xoxo,
btrsyafni

Insecurity

Hi.

Well, this is every girl's biggest fear. The fear of being unwanted. Fear of being left out. Drifting through this modern era, people are becoming more and more judgmental though they claim themselves neutral. Oh crap. Girls are so fragile although you may see her stronger in the outside. Her heart is like the ocean wave. Sometimes it bids you pleasure but other times, maybe it could give you a heartache, I swear! So, their insecurity level is no joke, and you,my dear fellas, don't you ever make a fuss of her physical appearance. You never know how much time that she had invested to just look good in front of others, dolling up herself, make the best out of her. You never know how hard she tries to win people's heart and stand out among the crowds. Yes,that requires a major appreciation, but nahhh all she wants is just you, to acknowledge her presence and treat her like a person. Yes, a person. Do you know why? Cause most of the time, society only look up to people with pretty faces. Hahaha. Maybe you will say that I'm just being prejudice. Tell me, when you go on instagram, will your search engine be filled with the name of people who aren't that pretty and handsome? Bull's-eyes! I know right, it's our human nature to lay our eyes on beautiful things.But, never make it as a ticket for you to condemn others with an average look. All the beauty figures on instagram, they look so perfect in the eyes of the society, driving their thoughts to transform their wives, daughters or even girlfriends to look just like those beauties. They start condemning and contemplating every flaws that their girls have, wanting them to be as perfect as the beauty figures that they lavishly flatter. Too indulged with other people's perspectives, these unfortunate girls, start to lose their confidence level. Every bit and inch of their appearance is lacking to their concern."I want to be flawless", " Damn, look at those thigh gaps" , "My cheeks are getting swollen" , " I want a flat stomach", "I want to lose weight". They will never be satisfied until they get what they want. Some of them are willing to spend a large amount of money (hundreds or even thousands) and put themselves at risk for buying beauty products to obtain a faster result.*close up your dropping jaws first* This is just a glimpse of what girls are obsessing in the pursuit of  beauty. Nevertheless, people will never notice how broken she is in the inside regardless the flash of smiles that she presented to the whole world. She feels like giving up on everything. She hates herself for being fake. She loses her true identity. All she that has is just temporary. Knowing that people love her only for her beauty, left her in a bleak suffer. She suffers a lot,physically and mentally, in order to meet your pleasure and suit your preferences.


xoxo,
btrsyafni